Strengthening Families Strengthening Communities
Strengthening Families, Strengthening Communities is an inclusive evidence-based parenting programme, designed to promote protective factors which are associated with good parenting and better outcomes for children.
SFSC has enjoyed success with parents from a number of backgrounds, including black and minority ethnic parents, teenaged parents, parents with learning disabilities and parents from marginalised communities, including those with experience of drugs, alcohol or violence.
You can find more information on the Race Equality Foundation's website here.
Modelling in lockdown
With families spending so much time at home without the usual routines of school and work, the word ‘discipline’ has become a very one important for us all. When parents discipline children, they may often be ‘reacting’ in the moment to a particular behaviour with the belief that children need a ‘negative’ consequence or punishment to control/change that behaviour.
The SFSC parenting programme provides a process of positive and corrective discipline which is intended to teach rather than control children.This empowers parents to ‘respond’ to a child’s behaviour rather than ‘react’ and helps children choose to do the ‘right thing’. Positive discipline works by increasing children’s respectful behaviours, leaving less room for negative ones. Children who behave well, feel good about themselves and when we feel good about ourselves, we behave more positively. This positive cycle works for all members of the family, increasing self esteem: our ability to cope with whatever life throws at us- more important now than ever.
The most powerful discipline tool parents have is: themselves. From birth, children learn by watching what their parents do.This is called ‘modeling’.From how to speak and walk as toddlers to core values like fairness, respect, honesty, responsibility and accountability; children learn by watching their parents. The SFSC parenting programme puts modeling as its number 1 step in the ‘process of discipline’. The impact of modeling is so important that it is considered repeatedly throughout the curriculum and parents are encouraged from the outset to understand its power by looking at their children to see how their behaviour is mirrored. This self reflection by parents asks them first to consider, ‘Is my child’s negative behaviour resulting from him copying my behaviour?’ This is not about parents blaming themselves (as children grow, they are not the only influencers in their lives), but parental modeling can teach or remind children how to do things in the ‘right’ way.
Parents who are mindful of what they are modeling can offer subtle teaching to their children on all behaviours. This really is about ‘actions being louder than words’.
Parents might want to model clearer ‘schedules’ at home of learning/working, playing, exercising, relaxing, praying, chores, family time. This is a time when parents really can lead by example. Modeling can bring about positive changes without punishment, lecturing and stress and calmer, happier parents will model calmer, happier children.
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Supporting Teenagers
With current lockdown measures still firmly in place supporting older children can be difficult. You're up against social-media, Netflix and Whatsapp, nevermind the absence of them being able to see their friends. For those teenagers that may have just started to date or to have a part time job, these rites of passage have been dramatically taken away while families are on lockdown. During lockdown, teenagers may swing from boredom and frustration to nervous and angry, and a load of other emotions on the way. And because of their teen brains feel invincible in the face of the virus, making it harder to enforce distancing. with potential challenges for parents.
So what can we do during such a time to steer our teenagers away from too much digital display and ensure they follow social distancing guidelines?
Validate their feelings/concerns: Older children are far more exposed to the ever growing information on Covid-19, with social media spreading news by the minute. It is important to be open, have discussions and address any questions or concerns they may have. With social distancing being the rule, the absence of socialising will undoubtedly be a challenge for older children. Validate their feelings and acknowledge that you know how frustrating it must be. To compensate for the absence of face to face social networks, perhaps try to be a little more relaxed on the time they're spending socialising with friends online.
Mental health / wellness: The current situation causes worry for many, so it is important to ensure your teenager's mental health is looked after. Encourage conversation around concerns and direct older children to the many organisations providing great tips and resources.Take a look at this.
Encourage a time-table/daily plan: Older children are used to the responsibility of routine at school/college, so try to support them in doing the same at home. Give them the responsibility of planning their day ensuring they're getting a good balance between work, '"socialising" and exercising. Encourage a good night's sleep, rest and healthy habits.
Enhance your relationship: Whether you are working or not, now is the best time to enhance your relationship with your child(ren). Try the SFSC model of Special Time that was featured in issue 1 of this newsletter.
Make use of technology: For children addicted to their screens BT have created "Code a Cake" which uses baking as an analogy for coding, providing online experience for the wannabe gamers out there. It is aimed at 6-11 year olds but provides great introduction and insight into the world of coding, so older children may find it interesting too
For the avid gamers, if feasible, invest in a new game that requires movement e.g. dance or sport games; this way you're not restricting the game console, rather, you're encouraging exercising / burning energy - win:win.
Allow them to be creative: Now is the perfect time for our children to be creative. Got spare paint in the cupboard? Maybe let them redecorate their room or move their furniture around - this will allow them to create a personal safe space when they want to be alone. Encourage aspirations by allowing older children to research, plan and be creative. Sit down with your child and encourage them to develop goals for their future.
Be patient: We are all in this together, so remember that there is no right or wrong way during this difficult time. Whilst older children may have a better understanding of the current pandemic than younger ones, it is still important not to forget they are experiencing big changes and are having to adjust to new circumstances. Be patient and understand that emotions might get frayed.
Tips from the SFSC Community
This is a new section and we encourage SFSC parents and facilitators to share their tips for surviving lockdown and social distancing. Our first contributor is Nishie Willmott, SFSC parent who is one of the PPI members for the Together Study.
Managing home schooling
- Get the school work out of the way in the morning then you have the afternoon to catch up on your work while the children are doing creative activities such as yoga, board games, or construction.
- Encourage the children to do fun educational activity online, try educational games such as https://ttrockstars.com/
- Remember exercise and after lunch break - go for cycling or an hour long walk.
Money savings
- Have a menu worked our for the week for lunch and dinner so you don't buy unnecessary groceries and it goes to waste. This stops overbuying and saves money.
How to keep kids busy
- Get children involved and shared house chores and responsibilities like cooking a meal together, and don't forget to have fun!
helpful resources
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